If you have not been following along on Facebook or Instagram, let me share my wonderful news: my tests and surgery went well and the results show that my lump was benign. HALLELUJAH! I am so relieved and thankful, most especially for the outpouring of support by all y’all. I am grateful for every prayer, positive thought, encouraging word and echo of love. It means so much to me. xoxo

carrying on after a cancer scare
Cheers to the wonderful news!

thought I was getting back to my normal routines after all that stress until I woke up yesterday morning and realized I had taken out my contacts and closed the container without adding any solution to it… Not a big deal, no, but in the 30 years I’ve been wearing contact lenses, I have never forgotten to add solution. It seems I’m not quite back to normal after all. There are a few things weighing on me.

Firstly, in the midst of all the love and support, I learned about the burdens and battles that so many of you are facing and I feel for you. I am heartsick to know so many people are experiencing health care debt far greater than mine for health care that has not necessarily resolved their concerns.  It’s a broken system that puts undue stress on vulnerable people. I am having a hard time reconciling myself to that. Meanwhile, what can little ol’ me do for these great big burdens of others? Share them. In prayer at least and hopefully in more practical ways for those I know in real life. If you have other ideas, send them my way, and if you can vote, please please please do.

Secondly, my vision for the future has changed and that gives me peace and unsettles me at the same time.

Brene Brown's quote on things we can do at the exact same time.
You CAN feel peaceful and unsettled at the same time.

Every time I move, I think, this is it, this is where I’m building my home and my life, forever and ever, the end. It hasn’t been true so far, so I don’t know why I thought it would be true now but in the back of my mind, I was planning a future in Texas. I’m not anymore. That doesn’t necessarily mean I won’t stay here; it just means, I have no idea what the future will hold but I’m less likely to cling to a place where the cost of health care will put a strain on my family every year and the potential of something “happening” will lurk around gathering power to stress and undo me all over again. Sure, things could change – either financially for my family or within the greater health care system. I’m ready to roll with either! But I’m also open to moving back to Canada or somewhere else for a new adventure (with, hopefully, better health care and social services for the people).

Lastly, this whole cancer scare has pushed me into an internal frenzy about work which has brought up all the grief I feel at not being able to practice as an Occupational Therapist. I am conflicted and I do not have a clear idea of my next step. I have applied for some jobs that would be fit… not even a response. I have tried to make a go of pro-blogging, but that’s a slow process that isn’t likely to pan out in a timely way, and it has made me focus on stats and numbers which I’ve never done and don’t really like doing. I just want to write what I write without worrying about SEO and sessions and all that. I greatly admire my pro-blogging friends because they are working their butts off and deserve every success. I’m just not sure *I* have what it takes. I thought I could try other entrepreneurial endeavours but I’m not sure I have what it takes for them either. I’m NOT afraid of a challenge, I am happy to hustle and work hard – if only I knew what direction to go but I don’t and this is unfamiliar territory for me.  I’m a goal-directed go-getter without a goal and with a huge medical bill that doesn’t have time for my existential crisis.

All this is to say, I’m trying to carry on but I don’t know what that will look like. I do know that God answers prayers and this time, His answer aligned with my hopes. That is not always the case and that does NOT mean He is not answering. I do know that God has a plan for my life here and for my future, and that He will be with me throughout it all.

Faith the size of Texas ain't big people.
It’s just so Texan to think that’s big faith. Sorry y’all but my faith is WAY bigger than Texas.

I am praying for the next step. I’m blogging as I feel moved and carrying on, sorta.

xoxo Nicole

Find Joy in the Story You're Living

P.S. In case you’re interested, I have been doing weekly videos for The One Diet and making weekly changes including one that I only learned was a cancer risk factor because of this scare – maybe it applies to you too? Here they are, and you can also find them on Facebook in The One Diet group.

The One Diet Week 2

The One Diet Week 3

The One Diet Week 4

8 Comments

  1. Pamela Istre Reply

    So glad the surgery went well and the outcome is great big HALLELUJAH !! to our God.

  2. Yay! I’ve been worrying about you, lady! So glad to hear your news!

    • Thank you for following along and all your support! I’m so glad too – hallelujah – and now just need to get back to business!

  3. So sorry you have had so much disappointment in your relocation and recent experience with the health system here. I am glad to know your biopsy ended up benign and you can move on with your life without that. Prayers for your peace, healing and guidance for life now.

    • There have been many many blessings of moving – not the least of which are the amazing friends I have met here. There are really only a handful of “cons” but they’re biggies so I just have to work at containing them and focusing on those blessings. Thank you so much for prayers! I still believe that God planted me here for a reason and he’s got something for me to do that will serve Him and bring joy to my life! (wish God could send me a DM about that tho! lol)

  4. Deborah jefferis Reply

    In the 90s we moved from Australia to New York with two small boys for a wonderful work opportunity for my husband. We met some wonderful people who are still our friends albeit long distance. My husband enjoyed his job. We might have stayed but my youngest then under two was a chronic asthmatic. We could not find one health insurance provider to cover him. Eventually we found one that covered him for everything but asthma. We lived in fear he would need to go to hospital and tried mostly to manage his asthma on our own. After 18 months we decided to return home to Australia where we have a brilliant public free hospital system as well as Medicare available to everybody. We have not regretted it.

    • That is good to hear, thank you for your comment. My husband is enjoying his job and we have met wonderful people. I really was thinking we would stay long term but now I don’t know. The health care and political climate are downright stressful, like grinding my teeth in my sleep stressful! Maybe we could get a transfer to Australia – then we would have the nice weather AND health care plus the shared commonwealth with Canada (right?). We shall see. I mustn’t lose sight of the blessings of being here and I must trust in God’s plan. But your comment really does bring me peace so thank you!!

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