I have never liked when bloggers or “influencers” apologize for or explain their lack of posts. For so many, including me, blogging and social media are side gigs and unless someone is paying you for that content, you don’t owe anyone a post or an explanation. That being said, I’m here to apologize and explain because 2018 kicked my butt and I have mixed feelings about my blogging and social media this year.
In retrospect, things started going awry when I moved to Houston, gave up my career and had no idea how to be a
house trophy wife. I was just starting to not feel guilty about not working when I unexpectedly came to the end of my Employment Insurance and had to figure out what to do next. That was in January 2018 so I guess you could say my year got off to a tenuous start. There have been many behind-the-scenes road blocks and frustrations in my work journey and I’ve spent a fair bit of time feeling bad about not being a completely different person the kind of person who can just roll with the circumstances. YES I have gone to therapy to deal with my complex feelings about my career and YES I have availed myself of different supports but NO it’s not resolved yet, even months later.
You see, I don’t know yet if we will be staying in the US or returning to Canada. I don’t know if I should let my license go or keep it as long as possible, just in case. I went from being known and respected in my field to being unable to land an interview for a job I’m over qualified for here in good ol’ Texas. It’s hard on a girl, and so I’ve spent emotional energy this year just dealing with work circumstances and figuring out my new identity in the absence of a professional role.
Fast forward to the summer when I jumped with two-feet into my other role as a blogger, trying to monetize my hobby. I enjoyed the new direction and variety in my posts but never really felt comfortable with the business focus. Since the beginning, I have never concerned myself with stats and strategy so I was never certain if that was how I wanted to hustle, if hustling needed to happen…
Fast forward to September, to my cancer scare and surgery… I was thrust into the US health care system and facing insurance deductibles that meant hustling NEEDED to happen. Except that the whole ordeal knocked me off my feet. I had no idea it would be so hard to recover emotionally. I thought I was getting my groove back. I wasn’t. I thought I was the kind of person who would bounce back and carry on. I’m not.
Let me clarify: I am the kind of person to recover and move forward, but it is taking me much longer than I would have ever guessed. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Regardless, when it comes to my blogging, I have felt incredibly guilty about my lack of posts since September but simultaneously justified. After all, it’s my blog and I can pause if I want to.
I am dwelling in the balance, to be honest. The balance between guilty and justified; between wanting to write about everything and not wanting to write at all; between wanting social media success and not caring about followers and stats; between getting used to this new life and pining for the way things were; between being serious and being funny. Between stop and go.
Now, 2018 year is coming to a close and though I couldn’t say I’ve got it all figured out, I have come to a few conclusions:
- I’m going back to my blogging roots where I blogged for the fun of it! If more followers come, great. If Patreon pans out, swell. If I can partner with other businesses and bloggers in an organic way that makes sense, awesome. But I won’t be trying to make my hobby into a job.
- I’m happier when I’m blogging than when I’m not. To that end, I plan to resume blogging about #thrifteatdrinkrepeat in the New Year. Not every day; that simply isn’t sustainable for me with other things happening in my real life. I can’t promise how often and am hesitant to even set a goal because it just depends. I have a part-time gig with Houston Moms Blog that I adore, I have my entrepreneurial adventure which comes with its own host of fears and learning, and I have my other roles to juggle – wife, mom, friend, sister, daughter. I have pondered whether my blog has an end point and if I’ve reached it. To the former – I’m not sure; to the latter – not yet.
- I finally know what peace is and that is my goal this year. For me, peace is when I feel like I’m doing exactly what I should be doing at any given time. Sometimes, I find peace in my established routines. Sometimes, I find it in my hobbies. Sometimes, I find it by trying something new (I’m looking at you, Podcast) or just getting a task done and over with (I’m looking at you, Laundry). This year, 2018, has most definitely not been characterized by peace. I have felt unsettled about everything from my job, to my blogging, to my health, to my home, to my mothering, to my body, to my style. It’s tiring and I’m more than ready for peace to reign. In fact, my pursuit of peace trumps everything else for 2019.
Phew. I am glad to get all that off my chest and I want to add that I have been posting regularly on Instagram; I love it as a quick and easy venue for sharing thrift hauls, thrifted outfits, and other glimpses into my not-very-curated life. I might remind y’all that thrifting IS both hobby and therapy for me. It keeps me sane and connected and thus will remain an important part of my life, of that I am sure. As for 2018, it has not been all bad, but I am ready to say goodbye to it.